How to age well, happily, stylishly or just comfortably.
Various thoughts (and a few rants):
On aging. A boss I had (the last one), an eccentric guy, kept insisting that when he got old or retired (whichever came first I guess,) he would move to a cabin in the mountains somewhere and sit in a rocker on the porch. That was his entire plan. He declared that was what old people should do.
I thought that was very depressing. I have no intention of ever settling into a rocking chair in a cabin, condo, nursing home or anywhere else
Fortunately, I had plenty of examples in my family of people who did not retreat to that rocking chair as soon as they felt the onset of gray hair and creaky joints.
But almost everyone in my parents’ generation (the one Tom Brokaw dubbed the “greatest”) were active and busy well into their 80s. My uncle on my mother’s side, a retired naval officer who’s gone on to two late-life careers, was still very much in charge into his 90s. And furious that rental car companies wouldn’t rent him a car in his 80s. We all considered it inspiring that, when thwarted by one of those age-ist companies when he wanted to rent a car after flying from Washington State to Arizona for an event his grandson was appearing in, he decided that, at nearly 90, he’d drive his own car from Seattle to Flagstaff.
And did.
My own mother did have to give up driving in her 80s as macular degeneration eroded her sight. But not until she’d tried out driving herself and determined two blocks down the road that it wasn’t a good idea.
She’d only retired from her job as a promotions director at 78.
One of her sisters who’d taught high school English until she retired, didn’t see retirement as a time to relax either. After retirement, she signed up for the Peace Corps and served the two year stint in Morocco.
Retiring to play bingo or golf was not on my role model radar, never mind rocking my days away.
So far, I’ve found I don’t have a set plan. I’m still evolving. I’ve found so often — whenever I’ve read articles on growing older, aging — the writer often makes one assumption about the good side of being older. Over and over again, I’ve read or heard that by that certain age, whether they’re talking about 40, 50 or older adults, that by that age you have the confidence of knowing who you are. Supposedly, you’re past exploring, searching for your strengths or discovering talents or weaknesses. That’s not exactly my experience. I find I’m still on a sort of quest to test myself, find out if maybe I can accomplish new things and build new confidence. I’m not finished finding myself… though I guess I should be. We’ll see what happens now.
Do the French have the answer?
How to : dress, look, act, eat, generally exude style and elegance like a French woman – the good, the bad, and the absolutely never ugly.
Like a lot of American (and British) women I got caught up in the craze for all things French. Kick-started by Mireille Gaullino’s best seller, “ French Women Don’t Get Fat,” – which was followed by French Women Don’t Have Facelifts; French for All Seasons; French Women Don’t Get Fat Cookbook and Women, Work and the Art of Savor Faire, Business Sense and Sensibility – there’s been an inescapable flood of books, articles and FB posts telling women how to dress, age, eat and enjoy life (and sex) like a French woman, all promising we could improve almost everything about ourselves by studying les francaises.
The whole phenomenon of French advice books became its own genre within a few short years. Aging, dressing, make up, parenting – the French did it all better.
And, at the same time, there was an explosion of internet sites also touting French style and aging secrets. Type in “women French mature beauty, style” in Google search and a cornucopia of sites brimming over with advice, photos, reassurances and general upbeat confidence that you too can be attractive, confident and, yes, elegant at any age pops right up.
Immerse yourself in a morning’s worth of internet browsing, and it’s easy to come up with the basic formula. You will also notice a certain repetitiveness.
The word quality is mentioned a lot. In almost every context. French women only eat quality food (no Goldfish snacks or bland fast food burgers for them. Though Galliano has high praise for a hamburger cooked at home on barbecue.) They buy quality clothes, and have them altered, if necessary, to achieve even more of a quality look. And restraint … overdressing or overeating are both tres gauche.
You might also notice a little bit of a smug tone. I imagine that there’s a certain amount of that with any advice book if you look for it. But the French are known for their sense of superiority as well as their sense of style. Mireille Galliano’s books do inspire and inform … but the tone can be a more than a little irritating to sensitive Americans.
And the book is full of absolute declarations that might grate a bit. French women “never, ever” eat on the go,” always”, always eat sitting at a table focusing on their food — or even just coffee. Never eat at their desks.
Or even not so sensitive ones.
But the basic advice (smaller portions, regular meals, a little bit of everything, don’t deprive yourself) does work for long term weight loss or maintenance. Galliano insists on only eating at meals, never, ever snacking. Which can be a bit hard to maintain with an American lifestyle, but does help keep to a healthy diet if you can manage it. (I made it a point of trying to get in a set number of fruits and vegetables during the day. Eating that many servings of those plant based foods kept me from being so hungry I’d “sneak” in more calorific things like cheese, chips, sugary things… I wasn’t ever stuffed or feeling really full – but I wasn’t fighting off hunger or cravings either.)
I’m a single woman, had recently become an empty nester, and just sitting at a table alone, concentrating on each was a bridge way too far. I tried it a couple of times and wound up bored, mildly depressed and definitely not enjoying every bite. So I planned my dinners in front of a nice absorbing program and eventually moved from the dining table to a tray in the living room. So much for modelling that aspect of French style. (Do single women in France really sit down at a table staring into space or at their plate relishing every bite? I find that hard to believe.)
As I’d found myself becoming “femme d’une certaine age,” right about the same time, I found myself also joining the other invisible women trying to figure out how to “age gracefully” and stay somewhat relevant. The French, multiple sources insisted, had that all figured out.
A New York Times article from 2010 stated that French women “regard the pampering of skin, hair and body as an enjoyable and gratifying ritual.” Unlike joyless American women who go for discipline and efficiency–and speed– if they care for themselves at all, according to the Times. Multiple sites – and Ms. Galliano in another book of advice – insist that “French Women Don’t Get Facelifts”. Or, if they do, you’d never be able to tell. No frozen mask like faces or perpetual looks of surprise for them. Or fool around with Botox – though pictures of the glamorous Catherine Deneuve show that at least one French beauty has dabbled.
The icon who was once chosen as the model for Marianne, the symbolic face of France, Deneuve also defies Mirielle’s dictum that French women don’t get fat, as she’s clearly packed on more than a few pounds in recent years. Some articles also report that in France she’s been criticized for wearing too much make-up. The French are currently deep into the “no make up” look. Which, we’re told more than once, we shouldn’t take literally. There actually is make-up involved in the so-called “no-make up” look. But it’s applied very subtly and with great care so it’s pretty much undetectable, at least to the untrained eye. Tho’ it might involve a very, very red lipstick. Deneuve still appears in the same, quite obvious eye make-up she used in her early days on screen. And, despite not conforming to the multiple rules of modern French chic-ness, still looks pretty darn glamourous at 70 something.
The article also reported that one French woman had decreed that the secret to aging well was to never, ever gain weight. Well, as far as I was concerned, that ship had passed. So much for that.
A key to French style, also according to a plethora of books and websites, is the capsule wardrobe. French women do not indulge in random, shopping therapy… buying more stuff – primarily clothes, we’re told.
Multiple sites provide lists of items for an essential wardrobe – 6, 10,12 or 14 pieces of clothing that make you stylish and elegant but minimalist. Not only will this minimalism save money but time – no agonizing over what to wear, there won’t be that much choice. The lists vary but some things do remain the same: a LBD (little black dress, originally touted by Coco Chanel, as any Francophile would know;) _ skinny jeans, a trench coat (invariably pictured in a shade of beige or khaki;) tailored jacket, probably black; pencil skirt, ditto; tailored pants, also black, a cashmere sweater, and a crisp, classic white shirt. Then there were the (good) black and white tee-shirts; ballet flats; dressy black heels, and, almost invariably, Breton-striped tee tops.
Large (over-sized was the most often used adjective) sunglasses and scarves were also de rigeur. Scarf color was optional – almost a lone option for individuality.
Follow the recipe, and you probably can manage to look presentable, if not necessarily chic on almost any occasion.
If you live in Paris. Or any northern, moderate climate city. Not if you live in Florida. Or anywhere really cold when you might need something more than a trench coat and cardigan to get you through the winter.
Some of the lists included white pants – at least a nod to the fact there’s more than one season, even in Paris.
The “bedhead” look is also recommended frequently … very frequently.
My head – hair – when I emerge from my bed in the morning looks nothing like the artfully tousled dos featured in the photos that go with the articles or blogs. I find American matrons’ old standard helmet hair as off putting as the next person – we had one woman in our town whose hair, a light blonde, mildly bouffant bob, never budged. She and her husband started going on African safaris in their later years – I tried to picture her in a jeep trundling around the African plains taking pictures of elephants and cheetah with that bob firmly in place
I suspect the decades of being confronted with examples of style like Nancy Reagan and Betty Ford etc.… might have helped trigger the obsession with casually arranged hair…a la francaise. However, those seductively loose locks take quite a bit of artful arranging I suspect. To the point where there’s a special kind of curling iron advertised online guaranteed to give you that casual bedhead look. However, writers espousing the look recommend throwing away your hair dryer, going to bed with wet hair (the results will be “interesting,” they promise, and insist that you never, ever dye your hair (or, if you do want to cover some gray, stick to its natural hue.)
Excuse me … I have to go mess up my hair a bit … feeling too neat here.
Of course, as with almost any hugely popular fad, there was, eventually, a backlash. Anti-French women posts popped up on various blogs pointing out that not all French women are chic, elegant and sylph-like.
Face it, once you start throwing around blanket statements glorifying anyone or thing, someone will find a way to poke holes in the myth. And all along, I had niggling thoughts that becoming perfect wasn’t as easy as following all the “be/live like French girls” maxims.
French women don’t get fat?? Hmmm… anyone remember Simone Signoret? Who managed to be both undeniably fat (well, very visibly plump anyway) AND sexy, way back in the 50s seducing Laurence Harvey in Room at the Top for one.
Signoret just shows us that eating tiny portions, for pleasure, thus attaining and maintaining that fabulously French, slender figure; carefully and subtly applying make up that looks like no make-up; dressing in the perfectly fitted, slender black outfits with signature shoes, sunglasses that could have been borrowed from Jackie Kennedy or Audrey Hepburn, swathed in perfectly tied scarves; and artfully rumpling your hair to achieve that sensual bedhead look, might help you feel almost as confident as a Parisienne. But … it won’t quite give you that legendary je ne sais quoi.
But … much of the advice is very sensible and worth a try. I found much of it I’d already heard – from my depression-era, all-American mother. Maybe you can’t reduce your entire closet down to 10 items that combine in innumerable ways, but thinking ahead to what you need, how you’ll have clothes that work for you and every occasion, buying investment pieces that fit your life not just the moment, and not indulging in random, shopping therapy purchases that result in piles of clothes you almost never wear is good for your style, budget and the environment.
Eating quality food in smaller portions, not snacking on junk food, staying away from extreme diets that ban whole food types for fast results are all wise choices that get you off the weight lost-gain yo-yo and keep you healthier.
Though, despite all the books announcing “French women NEVER go to the gym,” word is that gyms are becoming more popular with women and men in France. Watch any French detective series (from Spiral to Captain Mareau) and there’ll be a scene with someone jogging – not every French person abhors exercise that make you sweat. With today’s streaming services that show a spectrum of international series, including French policiers, some of the other of the proclamations made over and over in the advice books get debunked. Working French cops and some Gallic lawyers seem to eat on the go, have a quick sandwich at their desk or drink coffee from cardboard cups in the car.
In one series, currently showing on Amazon Prime/MHz, Muertes In … set in the provinces, not in the pampered areas of Paris, older women are often as plump as their Ango-Saxon counterparts. But they do bother to wear a bit of make-up.
As long as you remember, les francaises are not paragons of perfection, and no tweaks to your hair, make-up or wardrobe will make turn you into an Anouk Aimee look alike, have fun trying out some of the tricks to achieve style well into that certaine age – and beyond. (Btw .. Anouk Aimee, who was my first absolutely ideal Frenchwoman — that hair! The black turtleneck! — still had the same quintessentially French chestnut hair and serene aura in Festival at Cannes, a film she was featured in at 80 plus.. And in what was supposed to be May on the Riviera, her character was swathed in long, black coats, lacy tops and long floaty skirts that wrapped her from chin to ankles. Which supports my argument that women over or at that certaine age ought to all be allowed to live in cool climates, where covering up doesn’t result in sheets of sweat (very un-chic.)
Lifestyle Plus -- 